Temp Job #1

Cutting straight to the chase: my job sucks and i don’t like AT.ALL.

Mostly I am not not a good fit for this company. (It’s not you, it me!!! Let’s just be friends)

Last week when my temp agency called to inform me that they had a position, I was very leery but accepted the job anyways. I thought that since I talked to my representative and told her very specifically the type of job I was looking for, that it would be okay. I wanted to work in a company that was fast-paced, I wanted to have minimal supervision, I really enjoy working with computers, and I told her I was taking a class in Web Page design. I also said that is was IMPERATIVE that the company I work for offer insurance. I thought that she understood me.

I was wrong!

Location: I am current working in the basement of a  building downtown.  The Company is technically backwards: no website, no email, three computers for five employees. They deal in commercial real estate.

My first day I was introduced to my manager, lets call her “Jan”. Jan just had open heart surgery! In addition to that she got a pacemaker in the same trip to the operating room, they must have had a sale!!! She also goes to dialysis one or twice a week (kidney failure). The cherry on top is that she is always on oxygen, so she has a traveling suitcase thingy that she drags around as it has her oxygen machine in it.

I am pointing out that I was afraid to be left in the room with this woman, because I think she will die any moment. Honestly she could not talk on the phone the first two days because she could not breathe. I was waiting for her to collapse ANY. SECOND!

So, on day 1 I show up for work at 7:55 in the morning. Jan is too weak to give me a tour of the offices so she points me in the general direction on an office and a pile of bills. I am to make copies of said bills. So I make my way into an office that is about 45 degrees and get started. I have not been introduced to anyone else or shown where anything is, like the bathroom or the copy machine. But i am a resourceful girl and it does not take me long to locate the uhm…..facilities.

I stood at the machine and made copies for two whole days. It was great! I got the hit the “start” button about 987,982,374,812,347 times!!!!! This machine was a real POS. the paper was always getting jammed on top of the drawer and there was no way to get the drawers out. I scraped my hands up from un-jamming the copy machine.

On day 3 it was decided that the copy machine could not take the abuse anymore and Jan decided to direct my efforts elsewhere. I got to sit in a bright green office, way down the hallway away from everyone else, in a room with sub-zero temperatures, in the basement none the less, with no computer, radio, cell phone reception and look at ………ACCOUNT NUMBERS!!!!! With utter and total silence, just me tapping my pencil on the desk for a little background noise. For eight hours. Eight very long, agonizing hours.

Well yesterday, someone decided to look at my resume. And it was discovered that I have experience using this mystical machine called a computer. WOW!!!! stop the presses. We have an employee who knows all those tricky programs like Word and Excel. Get this guys, I can even open files with minimal supervision.

So I am dubbed the new in-house expert. I am now to make a spreadsheet! This is going to be a real special spreadsheet where you can enter the bills in one column according to vender and account, and then another column is supposed to automatically recognize if it is billable and who to bill it to. Wow!!! What a novel thought. I would LOVE to program a QuickBooks-like program into excel.

I told them that what they where asking for was basically QuickBooks,and what do you know…….they actually have a copy of QuickBooks Pro 2009, but it looked very tricky to install so it has been stuck in the desk for the last few months. I dug it out, installed it, and set it up. I added about 150 vendors and was getting started on entering the customer list when it was abruptly decided by a peon manager who we will call “Chris” that QuickBooks is much to difficult and it would be easier to just use excel. 

Well as your new “computer expert” no it will not be easier. Your spreadsheet is going to be so flipping big that it will be near impossible for anyone in that office to use. Not to mention that with the shear size and the number of entries that will need to be made it will have ZERO integrity. I tried to get them to look into Access but NO! Only excel.

So today I am reading ALL the leases from this company to determine what exactly needs to be used in making the world best spreadsheet. AKA: Jaye’s dumbed down version of QuickBooks.

As I was leaving for lunch Chris wanted to know if I could make Excel print the checks for the company. Uhm…….no! I am sure there is a way, but honestly the man can’t use email! How in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is he going to be able to print checks via Excel!!!!!!!!!!!!! But you know what program does????QuickBooks! It has a huge ass icon on the home page that says “checks”

In addition, this place offers NO benefits like insurance, 401K, sick time….NOTHING!!!!!

So during lunch I went to Kelly Services and explained that this company was not a good fit for me and I needed a new assignment. I would finish out the week then I am done.

I am not even touching on the fact that the owner who MUST be addressed as Mr. Winters,  is one of those guys who………lets it be known that he is the owner and you are a lowly employee, now why aren’t kissing the ground that he is walking on. I don’t think he liked me.

So like I said you never know what you will get when you are temping!